Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Sordid Truth about Frogs (Warning: X-Rated)

I awoke to a noise that sounded like water dripping, since the snow has been melting recently, and up until probably yesterday the pond was covered in ice, or at least slush. It finally warmed up significantly, and as I came more to my senses, I realized it wasn't water dripping, but the sound of the frogs which must have emerged. Sure enough, the ice on the pond was gone, the pond was full of frogs frolicing about, and one was spotted making its way to the pond from the woods. Luckily we had removed the netting when the leaves stopped falling, since last year we were having to rescue frogs caught in the net. You may recall the unfortunate missing toe incident. On closer inspection, these frogs were engaging in some rather ...well, disgusting... yet amusing activities. The kind of activities you don't want to watch, yet you can't avert your gaze. You see, there seemed to be only about 2 female frogs, and about 21 male frogs. I don't envy those female frogs. One female frog appeared to be a victim of a...gang bang (imagine a ball of frogs, a contorted mass of arms and legs) and I wondered if they had raped her to death and didn't care that she was dead. Or perhaps it was just an orgy (JUST an orgy?). Another entanglement of frogs, luckily only 2 this time, occasionally would turn into a threesome, where a lone male frog would try to knock off the other male frog attached to the female. The pair would try to swim away from the intruder, as the male would not give up his female for anything. I also had to wonder, was this pair a male and female, or some sort of conjoined twins, a veritable frog mutation? Then, you have the semi-frequent homosexual encounters, where a male frog would try to mate with another male frog, and then quickly realize, "hey, wait a second, that's not a female!" (much like in the movie "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" where John Candy says his hand is between two pillows, and Steve Martin exclaims "Those aren't pillows~!"). Leotis went to take pictures since I'm recovering from a cold, and I waited to look at the pictures until after I had finished eating my lunch, since the look on his face told me that what he saw up close was rather disturbing. However, on a positive note, he did report that the female at the center of the orgy, appeared to still be alive. Needless to say, spring has arrived.

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